Starting With a Sigh…
Normally I’m not the type of person who writes a great deal about personal things going on in my life on a public blog, but I’ve a bit of a sticky wicket going on at the moment and for some reason thought shouting my problems into the void might bring some kind of solace, or at least give random people an excuse to give me bad advice. Ha.
As I mentioned on this very blog sometime last year, my divorce was finalized in September of 2010. The split was more or less amicable, with what little property we owned divided right down the middle. The ex stayed in the house in Daytona and is continuing to pay the mortgage; I moved to an apartment in Orlando. He kept the two-year-old, paid-off car that we used to share, I financed a relatively cheap, seven-year-old car to take with me when I moved.
There are several issues. The ex was laid off from his job in March. He got a little severance, and collects a small amount in unemployment. He has told me he wishes to stay in the house for now and will continue to pay the mortgage and the bills as long as he can afford to. He is looking for another job, but so far has had no luck.
I took a job in Orlando when I moved here that seemed secure, but there is now the slight chance that the business may go under. I’ve already sent out a few feelers to see if I can find something else in the event that this should happen. In the meantime, I’ve been trying to lessen my expenses. I have one credit card that is maxed out (paid my car down payment, had to buy a new computer), but luckily I just received a second one that I can use in case of emergencies; I do not plan to put any large amounts on it unless I absolutely have to. I make so-so money, but moving and other expenses put me a few thousand in debt, and I would like to get rid of at least one of my bills so I can get back on an even keel. My expenses are relatively low; rent and utilities are manageable. I don’t have cable or a landline. My cell phone plan is ridiculously cheap. High speed internet is my only “indulgence.” The only place I see where I can trim some fat is in my car payment.
I discussed things with my boyfriend. His suggestion, and it was a good one, was to convince my ex-husband to stop paying the mortgage. The payments are made up until October anyway, and the mortgage is underwater. My ex and I still owe about $68K on a house that is now worth $35-$55K, and will likely never recoup our investment on the property since values have declined so severely in that area. From some cursory research, my BF and I discovered that it can take as much as a year to eighteen months for a bank to actually foreclose on a house after you have begun to default on the loan. So my BF suggested that my ex-husband simply stop paying the mortgage (“strategic default”) and live in the house free until they come to kick him out. With the money he saves from the mortgage, he can take over the payments on my car, which I will let him use, and give me the paid-off car, which has both our names on the title. That way my car payment will be eliminated, my ex-husband will save $450-$500 a month which he can use to save for an apartment or to move back to his native UK, and neither one of us will be left without a vehicle. The problem is, my ex does not even want to discuss trading cars, and shuts me down whenever I try to broach the subject. He also does not want to stop paying the mortgage, because he is afraid (groundlessly, I feel) that he will have no place to live.
It is likely that my BF will eventually move in with me; we have discussed it at length and both want to make it happen. If it does, I will be in much better financial shape (as will he), because my bills will be cut in half and I will be able to get rid of my car anyway because my BF has an old paid-off car that he barely uses that he will let me drive. However, my BF will not be able to get out of his current living situation for at least a few months, maybe longer (family issues, as well as lease issues). So he thinks I need help now, and he feels that my ex-husband got the better end of the deal and is basically fucking me over, in his passive-aggressive way. My BF tells me I should stand up for myself, arguing that if my ex will not agree to trade cars with me, then I have every right to march straight back to Daytona and just take the car, since it is half mine. I really, really do not want to do this; I am generally a reasonable, generous person, and I don’t like the thought of fucking my ex-husband over like that. We no longer get along, but I don’t really bear him any ill will, and I know he is in very dire financial straits. On the other hand, I do agree with my BF that I got the raw end of the deal in the divorce, paying for a car and a move and furniture and various other things involved in setting up a new household while my ex paid nothing. Yes, it was my choice to leave, but it does seem as though I had a far greater monetary outlay than my ex did.
So…where am I at now? Am I being reasonable or not? I don’t really know, and I don’t know if any of you do either. Perhaps someone out there can come up with a better solution. In the meantime, wish me luck in my stressful endeavors.
Chin up. Over and out.
